Csilla Rodriguez joined Tell Mama to talk about grace and courtesy. If you missed the conversation, please feel free to ask questions on here and we will do our best to answer them.
Here is a summary of the discussion:
Csilla´s teaching method is Montessori inspired. The main focus was on ages 2-6 when their personalities are formed and they are most receptive to learning about manners. Csilla started out by comforting everyone and letting them know that tantrums are quite normal for kids under 3. Try not to be embarrassed by what your child does in public. It is normal in this stage of development to not be able to obey.
Brief definitions:
Grace is an action that comes from the inner core of man,
Courtesy is an action performed for the benefit of others
Together grace and courtesy express the true spirit of man
With grace and courtesy man can acquire awareness and harmony between his mind and body.
To be truly gracious one must have good self-esteem as well as accept and love themselves and others.
Csilla´s main point was that children learn by observation. Be self aware and set a positive example for your children. Know what calms you so you can teach your child. Rather than telling them, show them how you want them to act and react. Sometimes children get a contradictory message between what parents say and what they do. Pay attention to your tone of voice, it conveys more than the words you say. Moments of frustration are moments of learning. Show your children how you deal with anger, frustration, insecurity, and boredom.
Children have a natural desire to be like us. Stage situations with your child and family of things you would like them to practice, like a manners themed dinner, meeting a new friend, appropriate behavior at the store, a restaurant, etc. Make it fun! Family is the first social group the child sees whether it is functional or dysfunctional. This prepared environment is where the child constructs it’s self and learns appropriate or inappropriate behavior.
Prepare this most important environment for them, open up your house for your child, so they do not feel like a guest in their own home. Include your children in the day-to-day tasks. Include them in cooking, cleaning and crafts you do around the house, even if it´s messy. Give them a mini vacuum, teach them to water the plants, include them in baking and cooking, give them a little rag when you are cleaning, etc. Teach them how to dress and undress and clean up their toys after themselves. Montessori calls these the Practical Life exercises. Make them feel like they are helping, that they can do it on their own, and most of all that they are important and needed.
Through the concentration on exercises with intelligent purpose children define their movements, learn the logical steps of activities, and soak up the essentials of the given material. Through working and concentrating with real objects and through the patience they need to, for example, unzip their jacket the child reaches a level of calmness, an inner balance which takes them to a higher spiritual understanding and boosts their self confidence. The feeling of "I can do it on my own," leads to high self esteem, helps the child to love themselves and others, and act in a graceful, courteous and more conscious way with the people in their family, in the school, and in the community.
At dinner time: make sure you sit down together. Dinner is a social time. No one likes to sit by themselves. Don´t get frustrated if your child can´t sit still for too long, it is normal to have a short attention span at this age. Practice in small steps. First 1 minute, then 3, then 5 ... hopefully by the end of the week/month they can sit for 10mins. Let them know that the dinner table is where they eat food, not when playing with their toys. If they are hungry later, don´t give them food. They will learn that if they are hungry they need to eat at the table at dinner time. Have a pre-dinner dinner to help them prepare to sit at the table and some parents suggested to teach them to ask "May I get up?"
We hope this has been helpful. Thank you to everyone for joining us in the meeting. Again, feel free to continue the discussion on this blog.
Some recommended books:
Peepers on the go, Manners [kit]
The book of courtesy / sister Mary Mercedes
The absorbent mind / Maria Montessori ; with a new foreword by John Chattin-McNichols
The secret of childhood. Translated by M. Joseph Costelloe
Manners / Michelle Kennedy
Manners are important for you and me / written by Todd Snow ; illustrated by Carrie Hartman
Elbows off the table, napkin in the lap, no video games during dinner : the modern guide to teaching children good manners / Carol McD. Wallace.
Teaching your children good manners / by Lauri Berkenkamp and Steven C. Atkins
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